This is what happened to me on the 21.12.2012

Let me share this…

This is what I experienced right before, on, and after the 21.12.2012

As I wrote to my friend:

"I have been crying and crying for days now...I feel death and endings all over...sometimes I think it will be my own death....Moses also wasn't allowed into the promised land...I have been glowing with 'fever' and flu like stuff...headaches and a very tired heavy feeling in my mind and body....I cry rivers, yet my eyes feel gritty and dry....

I am so so very tired.....I cannot do this anymore...my battery is empty, and even the spare is all used up....no reserves left whatsoever....

I am dead you know...from the day I was born onto this planet I have been dying a little more each day.....she sucked the life right outta me...I remember when I came to Austria I was so full of energy & vitality, so vibrant and alive, and full of plans, ambitions, ideas and enthusiasm.....I was starting a new life back then, was fit and strong....

Now all there's left is a tired run down worn out system....I wish the world had ended on the 21st...that would have been much easier...I am tired of being strong and trusting and pushing myself along, living on disciplining my system...I just want quiet....nothing I want in/from this world anymore, just dark and stop...

And my sis keeps on telling me these 'spiritual' advices...She councils people for a living and thinks she knows it all. and is so so very wise with all her book knowledge...not even one fart ever went wrong in her life, everything always was a breeze to her, a man that supports and loves her, perfect home and sweet kids......she knows nothing...and the things she says to me are evidence of her ignorance....her spiritual 'wisdom’ I am so far past...she does not comprehend my exhaustion and what I went/go through...keeps telling me how I can choose differently and simply go out there and go back into the world, get a job and yadayadayada...she knows nothing....

I feel so very alone...

Everything that was and could have been, yet never came into being, is now dying...forever leaving...ending

I am so far beyond this world...the gap between my world and my Loves' world has gotten only bigger....I do not see us ever closing it anymore...it is simply too ginormous....

I feel this will never ever end, and this thing will follow me no matter where I go or what I do, it always did, no matter what I did to provide myself with some kind of a life....and even if...I have no energy or willpower left to go anywhere or do anything....I am at a total end....I no longer have any ideas left, there is nothing I want or find interesting enough to spend energy on....no dreams left, not even of the Love...I don't think I will get to see him ever again....I

see no life whatsoever for me on planet earth...nothing at all...I am not even depressed or really feeling anything, in spite of all my endless tears...I am simply all dead, lifeless....

I wasn't even happy to see my family...I acted happy but I felt nothing at all...just dead inside....The kids cuddles are nice....but even towards them I feel pretty much indifferent...I am done with all of them...If I was presented with a pill to end things now, I would take it...not for feeling miserable...but for being so so very tired and done....

There is so much death and endings now...I feel something big may happen with a lot of death, some catastrophe....no one can feel the energies I feel....I feel things totally ending...not completing, but simply coming to a full stop...People think the world did not end on 21.12, but she did, I can feel how she is ending now...

my life has ended..."

We all feel very sadly far away from our Love, and basically everything, from time to time during the process...it is natural, as the fields open and close, in pulsations....from oneness to separation and back...until they are forever merged...As it is our job to close the gap between them.

This is what I experienced and wrote on the 27^th of December 2012:

I went to the dentist yesterday, my sis drove me.....turned out I needed a root canal treatment :O

So...they first gave me injections to anesthetise the area....those first ones didn't work, nothing went numb...at all....then they gave me 2 more...and still, nothing....all the while this dentist woman kept telling me to relax, when she herself, despite giving hypnoses treatment to people, was one big chunk of stress, the whole practice was filled with people needing a dentist, mostly tourists, as she served as the 'emergency service' during the holidays...she had been relaxed before, but kinda lost it along the way so to speak...

I am not, nor was I ever, scared of the dentist...and I had been totally relaxed all the time....I had not worried at all beforehand, because I am a live-in-the-now kinda gall, and so worrying is pointless....why fear what may or may not lie in the future....It is my own decision/creation after all.

So...they had to give me the root canal without anaesthetics! I have never ever felt such excruciating pain in my life! Compared to that I’ll take ascension anytime! She was quick and firm about it, but I cried my eyes out and squealed like a pig, without any shame or restraint about it....I think many peeps that were waiting outside decided they all of a sudden no longer needed dentist treatment at all, and ran off....

Still she kept telling me to relax....You try to relax when some strange woman is drilling herself a path from your tooth all the way through to your anus! Maybe she was looking for haemorrhoids?!

After this experience I was kinda gob smacked, like in aftershock, for the rest of the day, I felt weird, the night before I had only had like 2 hours of sleep due to severe symptoms, and I had to be at the dentist at 7.30 already, so I was exhausted as well......and I felt like a little innocent child that had just gone trough a brutal rape!

Then I came home and took a long hot shower...and...strangely enough, this dark cloud that had been hanging over me for days, this hurt and resisting in my soul and inner being from experiencing the end-time energies...it was gone...just like that....obviously the ginormous physical pain and the release of it served to help me let go of the soul pain and relax....

Of course there was more than just one event going on...my sis started experiencing serious dizziness while driving back home, a clear ascension awakening thingy......and I know, for a fact, that I had to also go to that exact dentist to bring my light there, for some reason which is not my business....

Also...I was given serious pain medication although not having any pain anymore, just in case I might get into some more pain when back home...a whole box full of them....Last night I read the instructions...and saw it was also used on people with rheumatism and stuff like that...and I thought well, cool stuff, I am going to take it and surely it will knock me out and make me sleep without any kind of pain for the 1st time in yeaaaars...And so I did, and it worked......I had a very good sleep...it was very recuperating....

As it also turns out, that exact tooth in the back of my mouth on the lower right side, that got the root canal treatment, was in immediate connection to my left lower back side, my root chakra/tail bone area (also known as ass :D), which had caused me problems and severe pains all through ascension while anchoring the new energies....Since that horrible root canal treatment yesterday, some path was broken through, and the issue has almost dissolved overnight :)...The last, and longest existing issue solved...A solution and ending/conclusion to something or other.

So....the 'bad' thing had many 'good' side effects.....As always, things were in perfect divine order...

You know... Karen B. at some point mentioned health issues that can turn 'serious' because of ascension...of course, none of it is real, it simply serves a purpose, carries a hidden message....So...since you are in such severe pain, and not completely at ease with it, what if, maybe, even though you do not have any insurance, you went to the hospital for a check up anyway...It serves no purpose whatsoever to reject anything, not even lower vibrating remedies, as they can be exactly what you need for the moment...

So...don't judge or reject anything and simply use what serves you....Under Obama everyone in the US has health insurance...so maybe there is some settlement in place which is of use to you.....Just ask them, explain to them your problem, how you are suffering, be authentic and open and honest, and simply see what happens...maybe they will simply help you from a humanitarian perspective....

(This is how I now also got to receiving free food supply from an organisation, a food bank, that helps the ones who need it. It naturally came to me, like everything else. I have no issues whatsoever with simply allowing in that which is needed, no matter where it comes from. I have no blocks whatsoever towards receiving support. I place no judgment/blockade on anything. It is neither good nor bad, it just is. Neutral. And it always serves multiple purposes)

You do not need to be in such horrible pain love....I think all you need do is simply let go of your preconceived idea of old energy healthcare and just take care of yourself...Embrace it, the whole world of being...Anything goes, it is all good and acceptable in gods' eyes...no need to reject any of gods' creations....They all work as one you know, the high vibes and the low vibes...all in service of and to the whole...

Sometimes the old energy is simply what you need...Just like last summer when the world of old vibes around me served to remove my Scottish flipped out neighbour from my surroundings, without me doing anything.....The world of old vibes also works in service to you...the whole world with all its colours does....So...honour and use all expressions of the truth....

I learned this lesson anew just yesterday.....it is all about losing your prejudice towards everything and be open for anything after all....

But...of course...don't do anything which does not feel right to you...Sometimes a certain experience and realisation is still just one bridge too far...one has to get there in ones' own good time....and way.....

Maybe your sons’ heart racing is simply an ascension thingy....we all know what that's like...and maybe he simply needs those heart meds, as the way he woke up/is waking up is kinda very heavy, strenuous and shocking on the body....Nothing chemical is of any harm to us...yet the intention under which those meds are originally created can be very useful, as the creative intention behind it is pure and useful, the original intention behind them is being supportive to healing, and so that is the original and pure energy they carry…It does not really matter how the healing/support comes about…we/our bodies take from it only that which is of use to us, nothing undesired.....

And you are absolutely right....my sis is an absolute loony with all of her good and evil perspectives :D....thinking she knows it all just from reading all these ‘spiritual’ books on these belief-systems and living according to those rules...It’s all just book wisdom, just words…talking the talk, not walking the walk…She has no clue what we went through, she can’t, so no point in holding it against her...No one can know/understand, except for those that experienced it for themselves…And even then, everyone has his/her own unique experience, not one person can actually grasp the other individuals’ experience, and different ways of dealing also apply….Her whole family now has to eat Ayurvedic food because she is so totally into that kinda stuff...Yet, thank god, she has a hubby that keeps her down to earth, and so she can never go totally nuts :D...What may be right for her is not automatically also right for others, she is still in the process of learning all that…I was glad I had her with me at that dentist thingy though....she is such a cute yoga-tralala....She is also just merely seeking her way to personal development....with many detours...as is perfect for her...Mid january she leaves for a 3 week retreat in an ashram in India...enough said...All in perfect divine order...We all need to follow that which is in our hearts, that is our own unique and perfect guidance/navigation after all...No matter what others may or may not feel about it. This is simply her path, what she needs to do for herself...so, good for her!

My sis cut my hair....She figured she'd cut away like half a meter or so, as she found my hair needed it, through the ascension years it had grown al the way down to my ass...I trusted her....Then she put a braid in it...and so I only noticed how shockingly short my hair was until I took the braid out yesterday for washing.....And then I realized....she actually cut away the worst years of ascension, stored in that hair.......And so....she was right...my hair looks much better now :D...Another removal of old stuff, finishing off. Thanks sis :)

Right after the root canal, I saw an old aquaintance in the village, from way before ascension struck. He was with his son, so, just to be polite (this guy is the personification of the male ego, he used to always grab me by the ass, so I usually just stay away from him) I mentioned how small his son had been just a few years ago and how big he had grown now...And then he thought it necessary to mention how thin I had been back then, and how fat I was now....and then he wondered why I never stopped by anymore....Hahahaha...poor ignorant idiot...

Thank god my figure is more his frustration than it is mine...and thank god I don't have to meet the male ego's standarts and expectations of what a female should look/be like (big tits and ass, big mouth with big lips, tiny waist, looking like a teen porn star etc.)....The poor bastard....so totally cemented off to everything that is outside of his cage.....People like that only sell themselves short, not me....They are their own worst enemy....so I sent him my neutral love....and thanked him for the awareness I thus realized, once again.

So...still...deep down...I am hoping this last big break through will finally allow for something new to come into being....a new life to start blooming.....Hope dies last...

Last night I was all the while orgasming during sleeping.....I dreamt of penisses and my vagina was literally aching to receive them....I kinda vaguely woke up in between with a pulsating contracting vagina....So...dunno exactly what that was all about, except for maybe it being about aching to receive some masculine/material energy, support and fulfilment....the root chakra isn't also called sex-chakra for nothing....but I sure had no complaints ;)

Yeah...you are definitely the goddess....and the feminine still needs much more strong hold on the planet...The brutal rape of that young student in india (who died from this event 3 weeks ater, due to severe inner damage to her body) proves that the feminine is still very much fighting to come through, and balance and anchor the energies, and she still gets abused and demeaned all the time...All the muck now comes out....bigtime...

That event has brought about a sense of awareness, of protection, honouring and respect towards the feminine, in a country as ginormous as India, which will undoubtedly have a huge impact on the whole of the collective earth consciousness, this was her gift to the world...No one is taking the submissive enslaved role of the feminine anymore....that's why the protests and intensity of them..and all that comes/goes with it....It is healing....we're getting there...slowly, but surely...A country as modern, yet also as primitve as India totally demonstrates how big the gap between worlds can be, and how huge the separation still in need of healing.

How annoying to know someone has the perfect bed for you, yet you are not allowed to lie in it...yet...:)

I dunno what is right for you love...I only shed my light on things....I very much hope and wish you get a nice warm fluffy bed and easing of your pain very soon...but I think only you can allow that in....when you're ready to do so....

Love love love...from the deepest depths of my heart to yours...

me

xoxoxoxox