Coming Home

well....since this is the month of crosses/squares/4's/foundations.....it seems that ever more cross-roads are also being crossed.....pillars/foundations pushed/jammed into the ground...

(as a small recap (nothing too detailed), since most of you do not know what has been going on in my life lately, as i did not really want to share until all was said and done: Last december/january, after the thing with my family i described in my new years' message, and having a compelling dream, where i was told i should go visit my Love's hometown again, the address he lived, i answered that call. (i am used to that by now, when love/spirit calls i simply jump, without hesitation). So, before going there (like i did last summer) i felt very odd, like life was going to change for good, right on the threshold....not to mention i was constantly very dizzy, like a drunk.

So...january 24th, (the day my mom and dad held an event celebrating their 50 year anniversary of last november -they got married the day president Kennedy was killed)- i went to his address, and got to meet his parents (who knew nothing about me, he never told a soul about me), and his mom and i sat at the kitchen table, had a cup of cappuccino with her self-baked cookies, and she told me the tale....of how Michael had left for Canada 3 years ago (she missed him a lot, and had never ever expected to 'lose' him like that). I will not tell the whole story, but i was pleasantly surprised...no one of his family and friends had ever expected him taking such a plunge/huge step, as he was very very deeply rooted, attached and connected to his home, family, friends, set patterns and Bavarian culture..(Michael wasn't big on change) but he did it never the less. He could not even speak one word of English when we met, but now he learned (and can actually read my website). He never told me he was leaving, even though we exchanged xmas-wishes right before he went away, and had been in touch off and on during the years before -he left beginning of 2011-.

When i came back home and looked into the area where he lived/lives, i was pleasantly gobsmacked, as it is everything i love, it fits, and made strange but perfect sense. He (the masculine/material) prepared me/us the perfect new place over there. Enough of that, too long story. Anyway, after that, he and i re-connected on facebook, i spilled my guts about all that had happened to me since he left in 2007 (trust me, god/spirit practically twisted my arm to make me do so)...and everything changed.

As it turns out, last summer, when i felt compelled to go to his home town, he was also about to also visit there a few weeks later, thus he was introduced back to me, by the letters and stuff i left behind there (he is the male/masculine/material, and so slow to adjust, so he got/needed a head start ;D). It was because he was no longer living in his old home town that i could not feel him there last summer, and i had been for a while feeling like he no longer existed, and as it turns out, he didn't, not really. The old Michael is no more (and it runs quite deep too, as he has been very very homesick, and lost a lot of weight as a result of that, eating away at him...i gained the weight he lost, as in that mass, i held/anchored all our love/him, all by myself, during all these many years...When i saw his picture after all these years i was quite shocked, as he looked like a corpse, mere skin and bones, a shadow of his former self, there was this raw dead look in his eyes, like a deer that stares frozen into the headlights of a car, in total shock...or a tree that was violently yanked from its soil, roots and all, and never got to dig in, ground and grow roots again...totally frozen, cold, closed off, ungrounded and disconnected (from home/himself/me)...this move took a lot out of him...but i guess we can all relate).

By doing what he did these last years, Michael as well faced his own fears big time, and was in the process yanked away from the old/familiar/comfortable patterns, and thrown into the new, where he could simultaneously prepare us a new life/space without knowing that was in fact what he was doing (he only ever saw and believed the appearances of it, not the deeper truth). So god made me confront him with me/himself, to wake him up, and bring/shock him back to himself with a jolt (my dream had told me he was now open to/ready for it/me). I heeded that call, and it was a very rough ride, for both him and me (he even blocked me on fb - even though i could see later he actually followed the 2 links i had given him to my website- ), but what else is new...by now i am used to being blocked, ridiculed, banned, cursed out etc...it does not break my peace...but this one was a challenge alright. it was a roller coaster ride, and my body went nuts, shaking, cold, sick...(but then i was actually able to detach from the situation, as i realised the deep shock my body (and i) was experiencing, was in fact what he was feeling in his soul/being, the state of disconnect he was in, soul-less...and so i detached, and left it with him, as his pain, for him to deal with and solve....after all the work i did, i had no intention whatsoever of taking anyones crap upon myself no more, not even, or especially not his, so i let it go..)....I never thought that after all the years of shattering all the illusions of this world, i would also now have to shatter his, break him free from the sleep/nightmare he had been in - returning the favour i suppose- and let him know his homesickness had a much deeper reason for being than he could have ever thought. As always, me being me, i held nothing back, and was very open and honest/frank about everything. Once we reunite in the flesh, he will be able to ground and grow roots, and be home.

(reminds me of that old russian fairytale of the snow-queen, she puts a splinter (form a miror) of ice inside the eye of the young man, whom she then lures away form his true love, into her ice palace where she keeps him in the freezing cold, as with the splinter he can only see the snow queen as his love, all dazzled, and not his true love...his true love goes out and searches for him, faces many trials and challenges/obstacles along the way, but she never gives up, and does not let anything or anyone fool her, her love is pure and unwavering, and when she gets to him, he cannot recognise her, until the splinter washes form his eyes by his tears, as she touches and warms his heart with her love...breaks the spell, and basically defrosts/frees him...)

Anyways, to (try to) cut a very long story short, after he blocked me (it was good he did, as he had heard enough, and it was time to each 'separately' tend to our own matters in preparation...without meddling in/taking care of each others' business), there were a few days of 'unsettledness'' (he blocked me on a sunday, february 2nd, then the tuesday thereafter, february 4th in the evening, i felt him come back to me, full force (i was flooded by images of us crying and hugging each other, and i sobbed loud and uncontrolably right along with it)...one day later, thursday february 6th, i saw he had visited my website again...so i knew things had been set in motion. Since then i have been told to prepare myself and get ready for the big move (to Canada, B.C.), so i have. I was kinda urged to be ready by the end of march. I have packed, thrown out, and given away everything i won't be taking with (i am not taking that much), i have been gathering all the necessary paperwork, i have been collecting some little itty bitties that are traditional to the area/culture he was born and raised in, which he associates with home, and which i have also lived in for the last 8 years (i had been flooded with these feelings of home, connected to all the stuff of his culture, so i went with it, and gathered little itty bitties that would make him feel at home -like recepees for the food from home, and music for ex.-, apart from me of course :)...there were all these gentle yet intense feelings of love, nurturing, tenderness and home. Waves, upon waves, upon waves.... so precious.....sometimes the waves receded a bit, leaving me on the new land, then the next wave intensified again, taking/carrying/washing me even further onto the new beach/land, ever deeper into home...Like the tide coming in, the water rising ever higher with each wave (i grew up by the sea, can ya tell ;))...it's been a lovely/truly loving experience....coming home at last...

I also had some clearing to do during the very first weeks, some very superficial stuff, some anger i had to work through...As i was shredding my old paperwork/life, i worked through a lot. I would be fine, at peace and floating on all these wonderful feelings and merging for like 5 days, and then there would be a day of releasing anger...so all in all, the releases were very few and brief, though intense enough to the human (not to the alien inside, who remains calm and centred always). The releasing was superficial, did not run deep, as these were not old pains, but recent ones, brought about by being confronted with the new Michael (who had lost his warm innocence as i regained/-claimed mine) and the whole new story, which had never settled into my cells/system, but were torched off my energy field before ever being able to dock on and settle in, just as a clearing precaution/ measure. And as i was packing my stuff, everything coming into my hands, like photo-books etc, i said goodbye to my family and everything here in my heart (never thought my new life would be on the other side of the world, neither he nor i ever had any real ambitions in that direction, but it makes perfect sense, far away from all that was before...And i had told god a year or so earlier: i don't care where you want me to go, i'll go wherever, as long i get to be with my Love)...It was a process of preparing, packing up and letting go. In energy it meant waves and waves of lovely feelings of new and home flooding in, in different stages, carrying different themes and intensities. I was being flooded by all these images of the new life he and i were going to have, it was overwhelming, exhilirating, intimidating, daunting, lovely etc...and i was settling into the new place in Canada as well...The re-introduction to my (new) Love, and the new place and everything was truly totally mind-blowing and daunting at first...but i adapt/ adjust pretty easily and swiftly to new situations, so...as i made the arrangements, i also settled into it ever more....but there were weeks and weeks where i felt like i was floating/being carried at least one metre above ground, my arms and legs felt all light, almost not even there...and my breathing's been wide open, expansive)

The off and on releasing only lasted about 3 weeks, until the 28th of february, then i was done (he came to me twice in dreams again, telling me he had been glad to hear from me, and he was on his way)....and it was only lovely...i cried many tears, but these were tears of relief, as i felt my Love and i merge ever deeper, him moving/coming ever deeper into me. It was for a part also very sexual...and my food started tasting so good, my body started feeling so good, and many more such indications of the lights coming back on, and enginges starting, and simply returning to new life, being resurrected, and coming alive....

(and i must say, i was never really that aware of the fact how truly connected he and i are also in a telepathic sense, i never really occupied my mind with what i felt, where it came from, i just went with whatever i was feeling and seeing in my minds' eye, i never lost myself in it, or hung a label on it, like it being/coming from my Twin...i was always more focussed on getting the work/job done, and translating what i saw into language everyone could understand, keeping it very down to earth and real in a way). This connection now seems to have gotten more and more intense since last january)..there have been many images, like me holding his head close to my heart, kinda soothingly speaking to him like: 'it's okay love, just come on home'...accompanied by all these feelings of tremendous tenderness, nurturing, protectiveness etc, i must have been (and still am) connecting to him (he comes to me, and i simply receive, embrace and support him), lovingly guiding and helping him, comforting him.

There was a big drop (i actually, the night prior, the 21st to 22nd of march, even dreamt i saw a baby fall backwards down the stairs after it had almost made it to the top, dead...telling me much was going to fall/die after i/we arrived, and it felt so as well...like old energy leaving/dying...the door closed, and some who assumed they were almost there, did not make it over the threshold in 'time'...) This 'drop' or fall lasted about 3 days, from the late 23rd, to the early 27th of march...then some new wave of lovely/home/new came in....as you can see, we are moving (through all the corridors) quite fast now...settling/anchoring in ever more profoundly.... Michael has been making his own preparations, dealing with his own stuff, adjusting his material reality to align with/accomodate the new, as i have been doing mine...so we can meet when we're all done, free and clear, in order to fully accomodate each other and the new reality, when the 'time' is right...(although i must say: i am done already, as i represent the female or pure energy/ spirit... but Michael, representing the guy/male/material is slower to arrive/change :).....pure energy/spirit moves fast, the material does not, being way more dense)

That was the recap, in a nutshell :)...maybe i'll turn the whole and complete story into a booklet later...who knows...i just might...

but what is now happening is very different to anything we did before...this is simply it....we're actually coming home....it is massive...

last night was different....again...but in essence the theme is all the time some stage or cross roads was crossed, and the door behind me closes with a bang...it actually feels like i am passing through/crossing something (pleasant), and then once i am through, BANG, i land (no release or clearing of any kind, i just land), and move onto the next (pleasant) rail/energy-corridor....i can almost hear and feel this landing-bump/thump, like when a plane lands and first touches ground, bump....i felt that quite a few times now....like right (the day) before the equinox, after all the feelings/weeks of coming home, bump (that is also when my dizziness finally stopped, after 3 full months....and i looked around like: what was that, what just happened? like being suddenly put out on the sidewalk, after having traversed this lovely hallway...suddenly, the door opens and bump, out you are, door closed behind you..now what?...then, another flow/hallway comes in)... then with the entering of april 1st, bump (the tide then went out for a day or so, rebooting)...and last night it was....well, another docking on of sorts, but more weird...the plane stopped...so it seems...(those loving feelings of home have become ever more profound, normal, settled in....real if you like...no more like coming home, but more like actually being home)

it's like i keep docking on/landing ever more profoundly.....first the back wheels touched down, then the nose...then we stopped... it seems last night i/we stopped, and reality flipped....and everything appeared so odd and unreal during a few hours....and now we wait until that exit-hallway-thingy-on-wheels gets attached to the doorway of the plane...and then we wait for the doors to open, and we get out....(remember what it's like when everyone gets off the plane? it's slow...and sometimes a bit...crowded and messy...stay calm people, we all get to debark sometime soon)

something like that anyways....

anyhow...i showered after the flip last night...watched another movie, went to bed, took me longtime to get to sleep (normally i am out within minutes), my heart went fast ...and i woke up too soon/early to my taste, with a slight headache and a bit shortness of breath (which is already gone again), and some cramps in my tummy/back (also gone now).....and well....i dunno what's next... we'll see....we all have to get off this plane in an orderly fashion, one after the other...so....patience is in order...again...

the inner world is the only truth/reality.....i feel all these things happening, in energy....yet i can't see anything of it in the material world...yet...

the (now empty) facades haven't fallen yet, but they are in fact truly only mere meaningless material illusions/facades/appearances/images, soon to fall and adapt/adjust to the new material reality, as the life/mass/fill has been sucked outta them already, and they only still stand to uphold appearances, as they are unaware still their foundation was taken from underneath them, their fill is gone, and all they now are, are empty facades, with no grounds to stand on, nothing to hold them up....they have in fact already died, but simply do not know it yet, and continue on their usual business...until the hammer falls, and the juice runs out...(i am thinking/feeling that is how humans die as well...their soul leaves their body days or even weeks prior, before their body actually dies...the fassade is upheld for a while....until it's perfect time for it to fall...it's just a body/facade with no soul, that keeps on mechanically going through the motions of life, like an echo....until it runs outta juice....like a puppet, whose battery dies...- like this man on the crashed flight 370, he left his wedding ring and watch at home, and told his wife to save it and give it to his kids in case anything happened to him...he knew/felt it...he already kinda detached from the physical beforehand...-)

all i know is that we're doing it, we've landed this plane...and are now making/bringing/touching down the new energy reality into an actual physical one as we go along, for ourselves as well as the collective. trust the truth that resounds in your heart and soul at all times, as it is the only thing that's real.

last night it appears they may have found the (signal of the) black box to that plane that went down in the ocean, after 4 weeks of

searching......now they still have to bring it up to the surface form the ocean bed where it rests....

Chile is bracing for a huge earth quake...the big one...experts say it should be coming, it's due...but who knows when, or where....(L.A. had a bit of a shake up a couple of weeks ago)

Michael Schumacher (world famous race car driver) seems to be waking up out of his coma (since last december he's been 'out', after a serious skiing accident in the Swiss alps, where he hit his head on a rock - did wear a helmet btw- ). Peaches Geldoff died, so did Mickey Rooney...

and a vulcano errupted someplace i south america i think, i forgot :)

..and there was an earth quake of 5,19 in the south-east of France today, not really the first place people would expect such a thing...recently we even had some small quakes here in Tyrol, Austria...Earth too is doing her share, working to accomodating the new reality, taking it all in...also releasing/cleansing alongside humanity by means of (volatile) weather patterns etc)

lots of (also) geomagnetic tension/pressure...i can sense it even....

...until those doors open, and we break through/get off... like when a plane goes through the sound barrier....BANG....the 'gun'

goes off....

maybe, in a way, we are all bracing/poised for our own event....each world & human in its own unique stage of evolution/ consiousness.... bracing for the big one...the big thrust/push....break through...

(and for some it's already happened...the further /higher 'up' the ladder of consiousness you are, the 'later' you will settle into your new material, as the material has a 'bigger distance' to cross so to speak, in order to catch up, as those more attached or 'closer' to the material, will also settle in sooner -among other reasons- ....things being multi-dimensional and all, there are always many sides/facets...the 'lower' rungs settling in first, then also serves to anchor in the 'higher' ones...the higher ones can only let go of their space, once the lower ones have settled in, otherwise the house of cards would fall apart, as the higher ones not only prepare, but also hold all the energy, until everyone's settled in...'the first shall be the last'...so, we're working inside-outward, as well as downside-upward.)

changes....changes....facades falling...

we are now holding in our breath....waiting to exhale..

love

ilse

p.s: btw...those big supporting astrological events that are currently underway (there is talk of eclipses, solar flares and cardinal grand crosses...people seem a bit frantic about it), serve to stamp or seal in the new reality...the earth is also the cross... jesus/christ got nailed/stamped to the cross, his love did (not accidentally he was resurrected on easter, which is also being celebrated this month, around my b'day on 14-4-14, where i turn 44...all squares/4's/crosses/foundations...sealing/anchoring/stamping in the balance of heaven and earth we brought about and established over these many years)...and so now we are being stamped to the cross....(also meaning the twin flame balance/harmony now being brought 'down' into the physical, onto and into the earth, as the 11:11 is also a 4...and as Michael and i have been merging ever deeper in spirit over these past 2 months, and our physical merging, the merging of his and mine, of our material realities, comes ever closer.. we, in the process also bring about this (physical) merger of heaven and earth/spirit and matter for the earth and cosmos, as nothing is ever separated, and all is one...the deeper we merged in spirit/soul/energy, the more we closed the gap between spirit/female/heaven and matter/male/earth, the more of the 'lower' rungs of the ladder could anchor into their new material realities, and the closer he and i come to our physical reunion...thus we're closing the gap between spirit and matter more and more, and sealing in the new (material) reality....when he comes (in)to me in the flesh, we in the process close the seal we opened so many years ago (which literally made me bleed)...and seal in the new reality, for everyone, for good)

"AS WITHIN, SO WITHOUT...AS ABOVE, SO BELOW")....

so in case you are wondering what we are now waiting for, that's it...we're waiting for all the lower rungs to settle into their new material reality....for the zipper to close, the ladder to become solid working downside-upward (from the 'ground' up)...we can go to our new life once they're all settled in, and things 'below us' have solidified....as in: foundations....and then...we turn on the lid, sealing it in....we close the gate....the new material reality and energy are now being stamped/sealed in for good...and it will indeed bring about a bang/ thrust as the stamping in happens, and the hammer falls (which is of course already happening..it is not ever the stars/ planets bringing anything about, it is us, always us, the planets only serve to support what we are doing, they are us, we are summonning the events...they mirror/reflect us, and vice versa..the same way humans reflect each other, and your reality reflects who you are being/what you are being about...until you change it)... so there is a fall out, pushing out many things of old which can no longer be upheld by its outward spreading vibration...like throwing a stone in the water, and the circular vibe of it ripples outward.....We are Noah, the arc, as well as the flood, all in one.

(Noah means: rest, comfort, peaceful...Our arc of inner -and outer- male/female balance/harmony will steadily stay afloat/upright, when all else falls...we built that arc, we are that arc -whichholds the male-female balanced blueprint-, and in our flood of love all that is not (in) the arc -meaning all that is NOT love/harmony- will be washed/whiped clean...we are the builders, pillars, and cleansing flood of innocent and pure, true love).

this kinda like the perfect month to reunite in the flesh, and bring the new energy/love physically onto/into the earth, and get it stamped in...to bring his earth onto/into my heaven, and my heaven onto/into his earth....and seal it in. Michael and I serve as the final seal (as do some of you as well).

and for me, when i say new, i mean NEW....i have been 'single' since i was 27...lived alone dealing with these outrageous things for ages....and barely got to 'know' Michael when he left already...all i know is in my heart...so i will be jumping into the complete new and unknown, yet again....i haven't a clue of how to live with a man, i have no concept of how that will be or work, or anything basically, us being so different and all, now me also being all 'enligtended' and stuff....i haven't a clue, idea or concept of any of it...it is all free and open.....and i have never been to that place in Canada either...so...here i go....again...taking a huge blind plunge...but i/we/it will be okay, this i know.....geronimooooooooo ;)

i just sat on the earth, it's warm and sunny again (sitting on the earth deeply relaxes me)...and i heard all this buzzing...so i was thinking maybe some bees had built a nest or something...then i realised it was coming from the cherry tree, which now stands in full glorious bloom ( i took a picture)...there are so many bees getting drunk on the sweet blossoms' nectar, that the sound of it is incredible....busy busy busy....buzzy buzzy buzzy :)....(now you know why bees never fly in a straight line, and bump into stuff, they tipsy, hahaha!)

i am tired and out of it a bit, removed....but sitting on the earth felt almost like i was being sucked into the earth...and my spine got all tickly... and without noticing, i slowly started rocking my body from side to side (i often do that while watching TV, rock back and forth, i just have to move sometimes in order to accomodate all the energy, it feels right...and i do it without noticing really....), like swaying to the rhythm of an unheard melody, a soft earth song...the subtle pulse of life....

me tired and woozy :)