Nothing we don’t know, or haven’t experienced before

I saw the other day that my sis is now acting disrespectfully (mocking me, laughing at me etc.) towards me while she first of all seeks my approval, as she finds she is so far along on the spiritual path....She actually looks up to me....People at her yoga practice look up to her, feed her ego...and then all I give her are expressions that cross straight through everything she holds true and holy...Everything she identifies with and holds onto for life...Without it, she is lost...So to her, I am threatening. She defends herself and her way of life, and I am fine with that.....It was startling and disappointing for a bit, until I understood what was going on. She stills feels so insecure and small...and I only enhance that feeling in her by being so certain and secure…so she lashes out, spiritual ego, she can't help it (well, she can, but simply isn’t there yet)....All I feel for her is love and compassion, and tenderness…as in her spiritual quest, she is like a child discovering (its genitals) for the first time, enthusiastically experimenting with it…Anal phase…kinda cute :)

Time to say goodbye though...Just like at my old job at the tourist office, and at Lauren Gorgos', when everyone was getting disrespectful and nasty, a clear signal it’s simply time to move on....no longer belong there....Leave them to discover their own wisdom...in time…

Anyways...I simply saw that I can now simply let go of all the old family...I need not stay intertwined in it, I need not partake in it, not stick around....Nothing needs doing with it anymore, not clearing, not healing, it does no longer trigger/reflect anything of mine that needs dealing with...There is no more common ground there, and I am also, for my personal life, done explaining and being around people that need to have an opinion/judgement about eeeeverything, and who are unable to truly listen, see and accept (Because of the old programming they run themselves by, they are so closed off, blind and deaf, that I am basically invisible to them now, no one really knows me. The rules and rituals they so rigidly live by, prevent them from letting in any other possibilities. The channels are blocked and polluted. But where before I experienced this as frustrating, I am now at peace with it, and love them anyway, from a detached distance).

It is now all neutralised. I forgave, made peace, embraced and integrated it all...It is now all honoured and loved, and served it's purpose, and will not be taken with in my new life....They have their own realities to live and stories to write now, and I have mine...None of theirs has anything to do with me anymore…Time to move on.

My mom and dad (both in their mid-70’s now) I will to an extent keep in touch with, let them know how I am doing, show them pictures of my life's progression, out of deep love, gratefulness and respect I have for them. They deserve it, and I know it means a lot to them, so I honour that, and them....But I will never go to Holland to visit them again, not ever...and I think this summer will actually be the last time I see them in real life...and it's all good...leaving it al behind, in the old…I hope they get to meet my love then...It is interesting to see how in many cases, people as they grow older, like my parents, become more mellow and open to love, acceptance, and support of each other. I am more connected to them now, than I ever was before.

My sisters I will probably never see again. 2 of them (of 3 total) I have already been out of touch with for several years now. One of them, my 2^nd sister, recently suffered a minor heart attack, so my mom told me (closed off hearts can have a very rough time in these times of massive heart openings and transitions into the new energy)...I am very thankful to the old family, they helped me get to where I needed to go, by providing me with the necessary contrast that pushed me ever further....Love them heaps....The love always remains, the mutual story and journey alongside each other on this earth, however, ends here....Except being born of the same set of parents/blood, I have absolutely no more areas of connection with my sisters. Where before there were exchanges taking place, we also enjoyed sharing interactions and discoveries happening, there now is no more possibility to support each others’ expansion, the source is exhausted and dry. The reason to interact is gone, and they are now just empty desert connections, serving no purpose, going nowhere, extinct.

...I am also simply not that person anymore, not who they think they know, not the one they consider part of their picture, for the picture's changed...It is time to let all of the old go, and begin a whole new story....My true story....with a new family, fresh people, who can truly see and hear me, with fresh open clear eyes and ears, instead of looking at me through smudged old goggles...I need that...clear connections, at least in my personal space/life.

I am no longer the confused helpless Ilse I was light-years ago, that felt like a shot wounded animal, an alien in strange country, forcibly buried under and smothered by piles of insane anxious old energy rules and limiting programming others violently installed on me. I dug myself out from underneath all that rubble, and found myself again, back to the true me…with an open honest heart, complete authenticity, and with full reign, and sovereignty over my own feelings, energies and reality. Like living on a mountain peak, overlooking worlds and ages

So...time for new surroundings, new everything...I am ME now....in need of a new surrounding picture/background colour...The old that was before, no longer reflects anything of mine....It is not me anymore, although forever part of my story/journey.....It is now not only time for a new chapter, but indeed for a whole new book....I feel detached and far away from the old one....as if it never even was....just a mirage....a faint memory...like a far away dream...light-years and galaxies passed.

These last days I have been feeling ever farther removed from everything anyways....It all feels ancient and very distant...The whole world does in a way, even though it is right there outside my door/window....And I keep waking up warm and fuzzy...feeling ever lighter so it seems, breathing deeper...still with a sore body, but all new and clear as well....Feeling kind of fluffy and dizzy/light headed, as if floating…away from and above everything…with a tear and deep sigh here and there of relief and total let go.....and weariness...and contentment of having done it all to the best of my ability, with nothing left to achieve, accomplish or discover....having gone all the way, beyond the outer limits, without leaving anything out, or dodging any bullets....

I rest and sleep a lot...and don't do anything...not even eat much...the occasional short stroll...and that's it....I deserve a rest, as the work is done...and I am tired and depleted...I need rest and healing...for myself now...Everything is now falling away...for good...so I am providing my body with all the time, space and rest she needs in order to catch up/heal….There isn’t anything in need of doing anymore…and the times of great disciplining are over….Whenever I get a wave of creative energy, I simply write/draw down the ideas and let it go…This is not (yet) the time for action…It will all come to pass, in due good time….

Love

Ilse

P.S: The tooth that had been so brutally ‘treated’ by the dentist last January, was still very loose, sensitive and unpleasant feeling by mid-February (my body has done so much workfor the world/ascension, which took so much out of her, her own healing comes last as there isn't much energy left for it, or so it seems), so I decided to do something about it. Intuitively I felt drawn to ‘urine-therapy’, so I started immediately, and with great success! The tooth has now, after about 2 weeks, firmly anchored back in, and the gums are also healed. All my other teeth and gums are drastically improving and whitening as well. If you wish to avoid the old worlds’ ‘butchering’ ways of ‘healing’ a body, I can recommend urine therapy anytime. I for sure, am never doing the old ‘root canal’ ever again. If you’re interested transmutation theory

A week or so go I also woke up with the gland under my ear on the left side being swollen to the size of an ostrich egg, my face & neck looked kinda like the elephant man (must have some to do with the upcoming spring equinox or something. I stopped bothering with mental explanations and just go with it. The energy waves are pulsating pretty quickly right now, yet to me are also very mellow, almost like one flat line, with only very mild squeezes and expansions, hardly noticable almost anymore...although I am sure for others it is all still pretty intense. I know I am done, as I can feel it in my toes :D), and it was very painful…So I spent days walking around with an icepack on that side, wrapped around my head in a shawl, looking like an Easter egg. But after about a week it is pretty much all healed again, wee bit sore is all…

I also found some very nice people/guys over the internet who share free Kefir grains/crystals and Kombucha scobies (again, I feel intuitively drawn to eat/drink this, but what suits me does not necessarily serve another as well), at only shipping costs (for Europe only).

In case you’re interested, here’s one Giacomo's Kefir page - Google+

And/or check out http://www.kombu.de/suche2.htm#uk and http://www.torontoadvisors.com/suppliers?keywords=europe

P.P.S. added March 19th.: The night before last I dreamt about a storm, a huge layer of thick grey clouds appearing above my head, with a howling and roaring spinning hole in the middle, and it sucked me up.....I couldn't get away from it and go back inside, I couldn't find the door to the building/terminal anymore (I had been waiting outside, with a suitcase, for a plane to somewhere, some business to go check out, part of the time wearing a red overall), couldn't move/walk forward against the storm, back to the building/inside, as the wind was too strong, couldn't see a thing, the wind took my breath away...and then I felt my feet being lifted from the earth/ground, swept away I was, and I was floating/flying, blinded by all the grey and with the loud howling in my ears (it was like an intense version of the cool breeze and humming sound I have been experiencing around me and inside my head 24/7 ever since beginning the ascension-transition journey, which is the wind of spirit Jesus also mentioned)....and instead of resisting and being afraid, I got really calm, closed my eyes, and surrendered, relaxing in total trust, and letting my body hang loose and free in the storm like a rag doll, to be taken anywhere, wile praying for my mom and dad and everyone to be kept safe and taken care of....I saw my mom and dad there before, they had been waiting there with me for my flight to arrive, dropping me off, but then disappeared in the storm....we got separated....I knew I myself was safe and taken care of.

To me it’s pretty clear what this dream is telling me. Profound and intense change is on the near horizon…and I will get whisked away by spirit, into the wild and unknown (once again) …leaving the old behind. There is no going back and there will be much letting go. In my astrological chart man cycles are also coming to an end now, all at the same time (I don’t really do astrology, but this once I was guided to check it out). Endings…and new beginnings…?

Added March 24th.: One of my sisters recently suffered a second heart attack in a short period of time, so I got an angry e-mail from my mom the other day....She was mad and told me to get out of lala-land and into the real world....because I told her not to worry about my sis, but simply let go and trust, that this was in fact a message and opportunity for change for my sis, a blessing in disguise....She didn't much like to hear the part where I said my sis created her own reality and could heal by simply letting go and changing, her free choice.....People never like to hear about that part, where they are responsible for their own situation...They have it al in their own hands...

People most always feel insulted when their drama (old beliefs-systems and expected ways of responding/re-acting) is not met with/validated by more drama...it takes the steam out of the dark heavy energy they are used to. It takes the energy out of the reality, so it goes dead.….And this new approach, where they run into a wall, a deflated neutral situation instead of being fed by more drama that winds the whole thing up even more so the cycle can continue, makes them feel insecure. It is a new situation and way of responding that scares them a lot, as it challenges them to letting go and changing, and actually take responsibility for their lives instead of blaming god, food, other people etc.

My moms angry response didn't trigger a thing in me...not even made me blink...I felt no-thing.....that's just who they are, and the (drama) energies they (choose to) run themselves by....All good....I understand her worries and fears well, and feel compassionate and loving, yet do not validate or support them into becoming (even more) real…I place my energy elsewhere, instead of breathing (more) life into an undesired situation. I withhold my creative thoughts and energy, and place them into desirable outcomes.

Breaking the illusion places one on the other side of the mirror/veil. Still not a very crowded place…living outside looking in…as if standing alone on the highest mountain peak overlooking the far surroundings.

But this is a way of being this world has yet to gain an understanding of and integrate. Their world is still flat, where mine is spherical/multi- and inter-dimensional..

I also suddenly realized that, next to simply loving and supporting her daughter, my mom is mostly supporting me financially because she thinks she binds me to her that way, makes me dependent of her, so that I will stick around…She is very afraid to lose me, and intuitively feels me moving ever further away from her (energetically). And she is correct, her feelings are there for a reason.....Go and move on I must, and will....

Of course, that is just one of the motivations/reasons...as with everything, things/events are multi-dimensional in scope, and so my mom is also simply a parent genuinely desiring to support her child, from her heart...and the underlying even deeper layer of intention is that she is a god-spark supporting and enabling another god-spark to fulfill its designated task...even if it's all way beyond her comprehension. (A few years back my parents were still full of bitter rejection and anger towards me...so they came a long way as well).

God makes everything possible.

Lately, and since the equinox even more, I have been feeling ever farther removed from all that was...Also the whole ascension story...The past feels cut off, closed off and far away.....Even the story with my love has become neutral...I feel nothing with the whole story, as if it was all just a vague dream and never had anything to do with me, a faint echo....detached and moved on....more and more so...Purpose served, now empty and obsolete.

When my love and I come back together now, it will be in a totally new and different way, little to nothing to do with what happened between us before. It will be even better…much much better.

Ascension is also nothing but a mere illusion after all…just like everything else….A structure we needed to believe in for a while, and bought into in order to do the work we were sent here or chose to accomplish, changing the Earth-theme…But now to me it is just an empty shell with no meaning…Another illusion I no longer support by placing my energy and attention on it, giving more life to it….My energies are placed elsewhere now more and more, moving ever further beyond and away from the ascension illusion.

Just like with an earthquake, the process is very intense for quite a while during the main event…and then come the aftershocks for a while, growing ever smaller and shorter, less intense…until….one day…it is all over and one has become totally stabilized in the new way of being, as natural as breathing.

Looking around this world, it reflects so very little of me. Basically no-thing here is an expression of who I am. I do not recognize myself in any of it, at all. This world mostly reflects the old energy and how that works, with all it's conflicts, drama, goals and strivings, which I now full understand, respect and live in harmony with, as being created by other god-particles like myself, other expressions of me that I now fully embrace and live in peace with. But these surroundings simply do not reflect any of mine, not anything of the gifts and love I carry inside. Also the place I live in is no longer in tune with who I am. The landscape is bare and unsuitable now. We are after all here to bring what is within to the outside, into full material physical expression. Fingers crossed that this will soon come to pass...

I am also forgetting about the government benefits btw...after over 2 months they managed to send me another bunch of forms and ask for tons of paperwork, some I have to pay for to get.. It would take a whole lotta hassle...so...I immediately felt I should just let it go, forget about it.....When it is so complicated and so much work, it's not befitting of new energy and me...No judgement or rejection, just didn't feel right all those hoops to jump through, that is just not me anymore…I think there's a reason it didn't happen...it is simply not supposed to, and god will send me something much more appropriate and better....The situation simply served a purpose of opening me up one last one hundredth of a millimetre.