Note on Fridge

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain

your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw

print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it

becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in

the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me

to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall

faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about

this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your

comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they

sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other,

stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking

tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to

maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some

miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not

necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under

the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same

door I entered.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on

the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it

'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who

are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they

(1) eat less,

(2) don't ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don't smoke or drink,

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..