Anger Management [This page is www.tiny.cc/dinaanu]
The above article: Under control
The Star Newspaper, Wed. 15th June 2005, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
StarTwo, Lifestyle section, Editor: Alistair Tan
By M. KRISHNAMOORTHY.
Anger need not ruin your life. All it takes is two seconds to think before you act, writes M. KRISHNAMOORTHY.
Photo caption 1: Actor Russell Crowe was arrested last week for allegedly throwing a telephone at an employee of a hotel in New York. Motivational speaker Dina Das says that it only takes a split second to get angry, and that same split second can be used to avert anger.
Anger is a huge part of Dina Das’ life. In his teens, he punched a hole in his sister’s room door and it still reminds him of his violent days.
Now at 40, he has made a career out of anger. He lectures on anger management, which he does for free because it is “pay back time” to convert angry people to peace-loving people.
There is that split second between getting angry and remaining composed,” says Dina, a personality development speaker.
“It only takes a split second to get angry, and that same spit second can be used to avert anger. If anger is not checked, there could be more accidents on the road and more fatal road rage incidents
“If the angry person can make that split second last for 2 seconds by taking a deep breath, he can conquer anger,” says Dina who also motivates children through human values courses.
“Some sure signs of anger are nostrils flaring, breathing changes and increase in heart beat. Practise the opposite to be cool-headed - make a vow while you are calm, to be silent every time you detect anger beginning to surge in you.
“Take a deep breath, and in two seconds ask yourself what the consequences would be if you raise your voice, get angry or offend someone else. Generally, no good at all ever comes out of words spoken in a rage.”
He says that the only consequence of words spoken in a fit of anger is permanent damage to the relationship with that person because of the hurt and humiliation caused.
“Anger's not a problem once you take precautions not to hurt others because of your rage. When you are angry - shut up, and move away.”
The secret, he says, is to never speak while one is overcome by anger or uncontrolled emotions.
“Excuse yourself humbly. Then ask yourself why you are getting angry. Get to the real root of what is troubling you and work that out.”
Some psychologists say that it is our own faults that we subconsciously see reflected in others, which makes us spontaneously dislike them.
Why are we sometimes so patient with our colleagues at work, yet are so short-tempered with family members at home?
“It’s because of lack of introspection - never spending time alone to reflect - and the absence of communication channels with those nearest to us; no quality time spent on learning to communicate with each other,” says Dina, who also teaches meditation.
Often courting couples spend a lot of time communicating privately and writing letters - but once they marry, all intimate communication stops - no time, they say - and tempers flare over the smallest issues.
Healthy communication reduces this problem.
When trying to resolve an issue with another person, Dina says staying cool prevents provocation and heated arguments. Subsequently, take steps within your power to solve the problem, and then wait for a response. “The ball and possibly the whole game itself is now in the other person’s court.”
He says that keeping quiet would also pacify the other person. “It takes two hands to clap.
“However, if the other person continues to be an irritant, take another deep breath and psyche yourself not to get angry, and leave the scene. Consider taking a long walk ora cold bath, or doing some gardening.”
Dina adds that turning one’s weakness into a strength by not allowing fits of anger is the key to being peaceful with oneself.
◼︎ Dina gives free talks to anyone or any group on how to manage anger. Those interested can call him at 016-309-1970.
Photo Caption 2: Dina Das: "Never speak when one is overcome by anger or uncontrolled emotions."
The above newspaper article also appears in the online edition of The Star
ANGER MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW
Screenshot - Live Interview on 'The Breakfast Show', NTV7, Malaysia
Show this video to those who don't know that they need help with their anger
and you may help them transform their lives!
It is stongly recommended that you download the original powerpoint
version of this slideshow because it has animated graphics.
Please download it from the bottom of this page (scroll down).7
You may view it online anytime (but without animated graphics)
via this easy-to-remember shortcut: www.tiny.cc/angermgt
Message from Dina about solving the problem at the root using these resources:-
"The points covered in the above article, interview & slideshow,
are merely superficial, emergency measures only and may not
solve the problem at the root.
They are very effective for helping us 'not become another murder statistic'
but they may not solve the problem at the root.
The techniques suggested above can be likened to simple instructions for
"What to do if the volcano next door erupts" - mere emergency measures.
In a deeper analysis, I believe that the root of almost all anger-related problems
is the tensions and dissatisfaction we subconsciously feel
with respect to all the relationships we have with the people around us,
both personal and formal.
Trying to resolve that problem is akin to finding out
"Why did the volcano explode in the first place
& what causes it to remain hot and molten all the time?"
What would be more permanent, and requires deep self-analysis,
introspection and heart-to-heart communication with the people who are integral parts of our lives
To solve such problems at a deeper, more fundamental level,
or view the Conflict Resolution Slideshow directly: www.tiny.cc/isitmutual
Join the Anger Management egroup http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AngerMgt/
and receive materials to help us cope with our anger -
To join, send a blank email to: AngerMgtfirstname.lastname@example.org
Artwork by Ashok Nandy, Singapore