19. What about relationships? Don't you get lonely?
I am blessed to be gay. When you're gay (and especially of an older generation of gays when relationships were not so easy and accepted) you are more likely to learn how to find fulfillment in yourself rather than suffering the delusion that you need another body to be complete.
At present I am celibate. Maybe tomorrow I won't be. I have taken no vows, but this is just how it so happens to be. I am happy being celibate. And I would be happy if a relationship came along. But there are few people who would be willing to live like I do. It's funny, too, that the more I live this way, the more asexual and complete I feel. Some days I yearn for sexual intimacy, and I masturbate. I am human, of course. All that is nature is good and to be validated, including sex. If sexual feeling is wrong then God is wrong. Sexual feeling created all life. Seems silly that I'd even have to say the obvious.
And for more thoughts on relationships, see the essay in this blog, "Love and Possession, Sex and Money"
Whenever I feel lonely, I simply get away from distractions and sit with that feeling. Then I realize that loneliness is simply a mind thing that I can let go as easily as letting air go from the lungs.
"All the lonely people. Where do they all come from?" We have created a society of loneliness. We think that surrounding ourselves with people and distractions like TV and constant music and chatter will drive away our loneliness. But it only makes it worse. Some of the most lonely people I've witnessed have been couples in relationships. Then you see hundreds and thousands of people walking in city streets and cloistered inside cars and suburban houses, all oozing overwhelming loneliness.
When you are not whole in yourself and seek fulfillment in other people, you are doomed to loneliness. Ironically, when you find fulfillment in yourself, then you are fulfilled being around others. Then you know love and are no longer a solitary island. When I am able to live totally comfortably with myself by myself, then I am no longer anti-social. Then I freely love others. When I am familiar with myself, then I am familiar with everybody. Familiar. Family are.
In my moments of meditation in the canyon the questions came to me, "How long do you have to be with somebody before it's considered a relationship?" And, "How long do you have to be by yourself before you are considered alone?"
I again realized that everything is impermanent and time is relative. You can never, ever, ever be in a permanent relationship. Being with somebody for 3 minutes is no different than being with somebody for 50 years, when you see the big picture. And being by myself for 3 minutes is no different than being by myself for 50 years. When you realize this, loneliness ceases. And you realize that you are by yourself exactly at the right time and you are with people exactly at the right time. When you give up control and worry, then everything and everybody comes exactly when and where you need it. Everything. When you realize this you realize that your brother and sister and mother are everywhere you go in the world. At first you see in the mirror darkly, then face to face. You see that your Spouse, your mirror image, is within you, sealed in Holy Matrimony, in the Temple of your body, for time and eternity, not in any temple made with hands. Only the deluded think they can find a permanent
relationship outside themselves, that they can marry somebody else for time and all eternity. Enter into the Kingdom where there is no marriage or giving in marriage.
Once we take on this mind, we become pure, and all things are pure. Then we are no longer hung up about sex, and if and when sex comes, it is accompanied by eternal love, as is everything else we do.
Maintain the state of undistractedness, and distractions will fly away. Dwell alone, and you shall find the Friend. Ta
ke the lowest place, and you shall reach the highest. Hasten slowly, and you shall soon arrive. Renounce all worldly goals, and you sh
all reach the highest Goal. If you follow this unfrequented path, you will find the shortest way. If you realize Sunyata (the absolute Emptiness), compassion will arise within your hearts; and when you lose all differentiation between yourself and others, then you will be fit to serve others.
--Tibetan Yogi Jetsun Milarepa (c. 1052-c. 1135 CE)