Minnesota Sports Doomsday Supply List

Post date: Jul 08, 2019 1:52:51 PM

When the Vikings lost to the Saints in 2010, it hit me hard. I was in a funk for weeks. I was sick to my stomach. I didn’t eat much. I didn’t want to work. I felt like I had gotten dumped by the love of my life. That’s how much it affected me. I let myself ‘believe’, and the worst possible outcome occurred. It was basically a Minnesota sports ‘doomsday’.

As Minnesota sports fans, we’ve experienced more than our fair share of ‘doomsday’ moments like that. We’ve been in that dark place too many times. Because of that, some of us (the more clairvoyant ones) can sense an impending disaster. Right now, my Spidey senses are tingling uncontrollably. The Twins are still leading the division, but have started to slip. What seemed like an insurmountable 11.5 games lead a month ago is now down to 5.5 games. Even the MNUFC soccer team is doing well. As I write this, they have moved up to 4^th in the Western Conference.

Surely both teams must be on some collision course with disaster, right? As always, Minnesotan’s hope for the best. But after all the pain we’ve suffered, we instinctively prepare for the worst. It’s just our nature.

Ever heard of Doomsday ‘Preppers’? These are people that build bunkers and stock up food, water, etc in order to survive a potential disaster of some sort. There’s even a television show about it. I thought it would be fun to ‘create’ a hypothetical doomsday shelter that had everything a Minnesota fan would need to survive after another major sports disaster. If you’re going to be in a fetal position for a few weeks and want to hide from the world while you recover, what would you need to have in that bunker to get by? What items will remind you of the happier times and bring you out of your funk?

Structure

-There will be signs with arrows leading to the shelter that say “Rally Room this way”.

-The doorway is made out of goal posts. It’s the only way in or out. Therefore, you MUST go through them. It’s impossible to miss.

-The floor is made of hardwood from the original Minneapolis Laker floor with throw rugs made from the Metrodome carpet.

-The side walls would be lined with stadium seats. On the left side would be seats from Metropolitan Stadium. On the right would be seats from Met Center with Yellow, White, Green and Black, randomly placed. Notice the North Stars seats are on the right, NOT the ‘left’.

Walls/Decor

-The walls would be covered with fathead logos of all Minnesota sports teams.

-Framed page from the Vikings Playbook: Gun buffalo right key left 7 heaven

-Photo of Jack Buck that is autographed with - “We will see you tomorrow night! – Jack Buck”

-1960 Gophers Football Pennant.

-Poster from Timberwolves 1989 inaugural season

-Photo of Bruce Smith doing Heisman pose at Memorial Stadium

-Panoramic photo of first game ever at TCF Bank with ticket stubs attached.

Food

-2 Week supply of Dome Dogs

-Wheaties (Twins on the box)

-Whatever beer Tommy Kramer drank

-Bottles of Randy Moss’ Inta Juice Smoothies

-Emergency Snickers bars hidden in shoes stashed in random spots around the room.

Clothing

-No Jackets, Bud Grant wouldn’t approve. Gotta tough it out.

-Stephon Diggs’ Gloves from the Miracle

-Brett Favre Jersey

-A Jersey from your High School hockey team because…Minnesota.

-Braids and horns

Entertainment

-Video of:

-87 & 91 World Series – on VHS

-2004 NBA Western Conference Finals

-2003 NHL quarter final game 7 vs Avalanche

-The Minneapolis Miracle. Not the whole game (cuz blown lead), Just the catch. On repeat.

-Reading

-Bob Showers and Lou Nanne’s book about North Stars History

-Sid Hartman’s - Great Minnesota Sports Moments

-1962 Rose Bowl Program

Comfort/Companionship

-Homer Hankies

-Plush "Ozzie the parrot" (Think ‘Wilson’ from Castaway. It gets lonely down there.)

Security

-Herb Brooks’ whistle

-The locks on the door are similar to those Lou Nanne would use when he locked the refs in their dressing room.

-T-shirt cannon to ward off invaders trying to lure you out before you’re ready.

Other Necessities

-Air Quality - Generator powered Furnace and AC unit from ‘Carrier’. Why Carrier? Kent Hrbek says so.

-Restrooms - Urinal troughs.

-Exercise - Lynx logo basketball and hoop. All the Lynx do is win. They’re our motivation to get off the floor and get moving again.

Re-Emergence

When you think you’re ready to face life’s daily grind again, there will be talcum powder by the door. Pour some in your hands, clap them together and walk through the cloud that forms. On your way out you will climb steps that resemble those that led up to the entrances at Met Center.

Other Ideas?

I think we're gonna be short on food and entertainment so I may need some help. There are a lot of creative WHENESOTAN's out there, so feel free to contribute suggestions for those or anything else. If you come up with a good idea, I will add it and credit you. It can be general like the goal posts and seats, or something more personal. Remember this is something you will be clinging to in your darkest hour, your ‘blankey’ if you will. It has to be something that reminds you of the good times. For example, I considered having Whiskey and oranges in the food category, but that would remind us of the Drew Pearson push off. That just defeats the purpose. Let’s build this together. The ‘Peoples Bunker’. Please retweet!!!

This space is reserved for ideas submitted by readers/followers.

-Scott Studwell sweatshirt (Mom)

-1985 All Star game hat (Mom)

-Photo of herself kissing the Stanley Cup at 2004 NHL All Star Game (Mrs Whenesota)

-Ticket stubs from first Vikings game (Andar)

-Puckett and Hrbek Starting Lineup Figures-unopened (Coworker MC)

-Garnett/Marbury signed Basketball (@fightingmormons)

-Letter from Gophers backup QB Scott Eckers (@hstrytchr1984)

-Gopher team poster autographed by Lou Holtz. (Coworker PP)