Apprehensive (A Spiritual Poem)


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    Came: April 22, 1939
    Left: May 7, 2001


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    Apprehensive 

    As I sit, starring out my window, wondering, what lies beyond the rolling hills,

    Do I dare venture afar the rumbling meadows and realize my fate?

    I hear the woodpecker pecking away at his tree while the squirrels joyfully play!

    But they have not the worry as I. 
    They're just storing away for the winter cold 
    While the woodpecker just up and fly! 

    Do I dare take a chance? 
    For if I linger there's no chance for romance.

    I wonder what lies beyond those rolling hills, for if I go, will I realize my worst fears?

    Why so apprehensive must I be - for I truly feel the Spirit guiding me.

    And why am I afraid of the unknown - for has my future not yet been shown?

    I tender the sweet smell of our flowers, and marvel at their beauty!

    Yet, I feel I should not tarry, but, assume my duty.

    And now that I have gathered all my courage - I must say goodbye!

    For like my friend, the woodpecker, I must spread my wings, and fly!

    For something special awaits me beyond those rolling hills.

    This mysterious Spirit inside me has helped me conquered my fears.

    O beautiful world that awaits me -- be there room for my accomplishments?

    For I shall strive, to have all I've not conquered, and relinquish, all past held Sentiments.

    I will never forget my unfortunate past that held me with such vigor.

    The woodpecker, the squirrels, and the beautiful flowers,

    Attending their chores with much vigor.

    Should I be so lucky as to acquire your attributes?

    For you have shown me, that, life, is a plan.

    And there is beauty, in work, and play,

    All, magnificently, enjoyed, by man. 

  • The poem, "Apprehensive," above, was actually written by my mother, Johnnie Jewel Henry Justice Mathis. 

    However, my being her first born child, who was bitten by the "civic bug" at the time, and writing a little poetry, myself, after Shmuel "Sunny Hays" Hezi, advised me to, I did the editing. 

    My mother ask me to edit it for her. During the editing process, I realized, immediately, that my mother had written a great poem that, almost, leaves the male reader feeling like she was talking about him.

    Family members of mine weren't that supportive of my change, and the new life style of chasing civic ideas when I came out of incarceration, in 1987, believing my efforts would be in vain

    This one poem, Apprehensive, in my heart, solidified my mother as one of the greatest poets I ever knew, or read. 

    Though it speaks of the aspirations of a young girl in East Texas, I felt it was speaking of my aspirations, at that time in my life.

    I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! 


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