Advice for Parents

Advice for parents to improve the relationship with their child :

   I know it can be quite difficult for parents to do everything needed : go to work, take care of the home and make meals, do errands... so helping your child is easier said than done !

1- Please remember first that if your child is causing you problems it is because ce is suffering inside, when ce cannot adapt to the environment. That does not mean your child intentionally wants to make you miserable, rather it is just that ce can't help it.

2- Try to focus first on respecting your child : ce is a person too and has ces own needs that should be met. Temper tantrums are the child' reaction when ce feels severely frustrated when one of ces important needs is denied by adults.

3- Usually a problem with your child occurs when the child's needs conflict with adults' needs : the best then if possible is to take the time to see what everyone's needs are and if it is feasible to manage so that nobody is frustrated.
   Also, the best conflict resolution method I know is Thomas Gordon's Active Listening
   In a situation where a parent is conflicting with a child, the parent should use I-messages that include 3 parts :
* what the child does
* how the parent feels about it, and
* why the parent feels that way :
"When you do (this), I feel (angry, upset, frustrated, displeased, worried...) because (the reason for feeling that way)".
   Then, after having said that 3-part phrase, revert to listening mode to see if your child answers by words or behavior.
   This kind of dialogue allows you to understand better your child's needs, and allows your child to understand better yours.

4- Try to reserve a special time for being with your child every day : so that your child will know it is ces time with you only, one for one, and that you will do with ce whatever ce wants. Try to propose such a time when your child seems willing to be with you.
   During that time, try to be non-directive, i. e. let your child guide you to whatever ce wants to do. Your child could take those regular opportunities to engage into letting you know what is causing trouble, that is to say engaging you into therapy sessions if you manage to be non-directive and encourage your child to express whatever ce needs to. With time, this process could gradually lead to solve many problems.

5- If you can be as non-directive as possible, this will allow a sense of freedom in your child, plus a sense of being respected. Your child could then be able to show you what ce needs most, and if met this will have a very positive effect.

6- Also, try to encourage your child to dialogue with you to convey that you sincerely care for ce, using open-end questions like
-"Is there anything you would like me to do to help you feel good ?"
-"Is there anything I could do for you ?"

7- Express each time needed what you feel so that your child will know you better, this in turn could encourage your child to do the same with you : when you understand better your child's behavior (caused by what ce feels), you will be in a better position to know what to do to improve the situation for both of you.


Other page you could see to help : "Parents can be therapists of their child".

rev 2015