Merida

Post date: Jun 6, 2010 5:20:33 PM

Most significant in Merida has been my sudden doubt about my adventure and my goals with this trip. Today has been a psychological battle trying to decipher my heart. Is it this 95 degree heat with 100% humidity and no A/C? Is it the waiting for the uncertain-to-arrive camera and memory card? Is it the disappointment of being behind schedule due to the accident? Maybe all three, or maybe something else. Whatever the case, I will be here until at least tomorrow, when I may hear from the camera salesperson about the status of my camera's shipping.

Staing at this hostel I've held interesting discussions about Holland's educational system with two Dutch travellers, the best way to visit Macchu Picchu with a German couple touring Central America for their honeymoon (they're staying in hostels all the way), the corruption and roots of Mexico's government with one of the hostel employees, the purpose of life with my Australian friend Tim, and much more.

I've also spent two days working on my bike- changing the oil and spark plug, cleaning and oiling the air filter, lubing the chain, and repairing the choke. The choke cable had pulled from the plunger in the carburetor during the accident. Some parts were broken and I had to do some creative pulling, bending, and gluing to get the unit back together. It still needs some adjustment though. By the end of this trip I could probably set up my own motorcycle repair shop! That is, as long as I learn how to turn off the motorcycle power... I drained the battery (the new one I bought in Ciudad Mante) again two days ago, but Tim showed me how to "Push Start." Essentially, two people push the bike as hard s they can in second gear, then "pop" the clutch and jump on the bike. We white boys produced a fair amount of sweat heaving it up and down the street behind the hostel, and at one point the bike fell over. It's not exactly a luxury starter system, but it worked! Sometimes I think the whole purpose of this trip was to learn how to repair motorcycles.

In the next day I want to visit Chitchen Itza and a cenote, a beautiful freshwater pool with caves. Perhaps my camera will come tomorrow? If so, I'd be free to travel again. There may be a memory card in town somehwere I can buy if the one I ordered doesn't arrive. But I loathe to think of shopping for another camera, given how much time I spent picking the Panasonic Lumix DMC-ZR1.

Going back to the lack of direction... and I have confirmed identical sentiments in other travellers... there's an element of sadness to witnessing such incredible wonders but being unable to share them with another person at that moment. One misses more than they can imagine without taking such a trip the good things one had before the journey began. The Cinderella song bursts forth, "Don't know what you've got, 'til its gone." What one must do is either have reslilient faith in the good that will fill the voids of what was left behind or return to the previous life and attempt to rebuild and repair the life that was. My identity feels subject to redefinition while at the same time I find myself being me wherever I go, in spite of having every opportunity to be however I like wherever I go. What does this mean? I feel that I have reopened some questions that I thought had been laid to rest five years ago, like "What do I want, Who do I want to be?" The process of self-creation and self-understanding can be alotta things- silly, futile, arduous, painful, exhilarating, to name a few. I do not think I seek understanding so much as a clear sense of direction based on my heart's greatest desires. Courage to follow one's heart. No human has lived until they learn the art of living the life they would choose over any other. Too many people stop short of their dreams for the sake of convenience, social properness, and fear of failure. They must ask themselves, "What do I have t lose, and what do I have to gain by taking this supposed risk of actually pursuing my dreams?" What more valuable a lesson for a human to learn than to know your heart and evolve the courage to follow it through the nightmares, the dark forests, the mountains, the unlabelled streets, the alien lands? I am fond of the final statement in "Boondock Saints": "The question is not how far. The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far is as needed?" I am living this question.