Other things horsey

MADNESS  ( not sure of the author but this was sent to me by a friend)

Why do I like horses?
I reckon I must be mad.
My mother wasn't horsey
And neither was my dad.

But the madness hit me early
And it hit me like a curse.
And I've never gotten better
In fact I've gotten worse.

My stables are immaculate.
My house is like a hovel.
Last year for my birthday
I got a brand new shovel.

I hardly read a paper
But I know who's sold their horse
And I wouldn't watch the news
If Mr. Ed was on, of course.

One eye's always on the heavens
But my washing waves in vain
As I rush to get the horses in
In case it's gonna rain.

And though they're wearing 15 rugs,
The best that you can get,
I bring them in to keep them dry
While I get soaking wet.

I spend up every cent I've got
On horsey stuff for sure.
I buy fancy rugs and fancy rugs,
And then I by some more.

I should have had that hair cut
Or bought that nice blue shirt
At least it wouldn't be now
Ripped to shreds and in the dirt.

I can't make a bloody sponge cake
I don't even try
But I can back a car and trailer
In the twinkling of an eye.

It's pants and R.M. boots
That I live in night and day
And that smell of sweaty horses
Just doesn't wash away.

Once in every. now and then
I can dress up for a ball.
Make up and a hairdo
With high heel shoes and all.

I ache from long forgotten falls.
My knees have got no skin.
My toes have gone a funny shape.
From being squashed again.

But late at night, when all is still
And I've gone to give them hay,
I touch their velvet softness
And my worries float away.

They give a gentle nicker
And they nuzzle through my hair
And I know it's where my heart is
More than anywhere.

Dear Lord, please open your gates and call St. Francis to come escort this beloved companion across the Rainbow Bridge.

Assign her to a place of honour, for she has been a faithful servant and has always done her best to please me.

Bless the hands that send her to you, for they are doing so in love and compassion, freeing her from pain and suffering.

Grant me the strength not to dwell on my loss.

Help me remember the details of her life with the love she has shown me.

And grant me the courage to honour her by sharing those memories with others.

Let her remember me as well and let her know that I will always love her.

And when it's my time to pass over into your paradise, please allow her to accompany those who will bring me home.

Thank you Lord for the gift of her companionship and for the time we've had together.

And thank you, Lord, for granting me the strength to give her to you

key signs that your other half is a horse owner.

1. At the bar, you notice they keep their fingernails 

hidden in their hands/sleeves.

2. They don’t give the crowd-control police horses 

outside the stadium the space you feel would be prudent.

3. They’re yawning by 10:30pm.

4. When there’s a risk you’ll miss your train they 

glance at their watch and say: “Oo, walk on”, with 

heightened pitch on the “wa”.

5. They lifted that elderly gentleman’s incredibly 

heavy suitcase down the station steps with ludicrous ease.

6. Their car has a miasma you can’t quite place. 

It’s not entirely unpleasant — sort of sweet yet rotting 

— but pungent none-the-less.

7. The Wellington boots by the front door look like 

they’ve only just escaped Glastonbury, but you’ve 

already established their owner has never been to a 

music festival.

8. They have not one but two large wardrobes. 

The second seems to be made up almost entirely 

of items that used to be in the first but now have holes

 in them — plus some two-tone leggings with leather seats.

9. They’re awake seriously early, even on a Sunday.

10. They go out and come back in before you’ve even 

got out of bed. As you open your eyes, you catch a 

glimpse of them flying into the bathroom wearing 

some of those two-tone leggings. You could have 

sworn the non-leather area was checked and there 

were diamantes on the pockets. You ponder this is not 

normal attire, but don’t like to mention it.

11. Sitting watching TV, they twitch on hearing hooves 

clip clopping past outside and mutter: “loose shoe”.

12. They check the weather report approximately 32 

times a day.

13. In the kitchen, when they need to get to the cutlery 

drawer you’re standing by, they put one hand on your 

hip and make a clicking sound.

14. They triple-check that the burgers you bought in 

the supermarket are 100% beef.

15. Despite having a job, they don’t appear to have 

much in the way of money.

16. When you read a story out loud from the 

newspaper about royal showjumper Zara Phillips,

 they say: “She’s an eventer”.

17. There’s a mug in their cupboard that says:

 “Eventers do it three ways”. You still don’t know what 

eventing is but this sounds intriguing.

Read more at http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/features/17-signs-youre-dating-a-horse-rider/#vHM23pj7WmRHFl0w.99