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New Year Resolutions

New Year Resolutions not for me

By Robin Coupland


About five years ago, I took a long hard look at myself and vowed that never again would I indulge in the pointless exercise of setting myself New Year resolutions. They are a complete waste of time and energy. The only time I ever made a New Year resolution that I was able to keep was in 1974; I decided to drink a gallon of beer before dawn. Now that was my kind of resolution! But as for the serious ones? No chance! They just make me feel more feckless and useless than i already am. they are not for me. No siree.

But anyWay here are this year's resolutions.

  1. I will arrive at the ice rink in good time for my game.
  2. I will always be ready in the hack whenit is my turn to play my shot. Surely one of the most annoying things for a skip is when his teammates faff around looking for their slider/knee pad / stonewhen it is their turn to play? Just be ready, please!
  3. Ditto skips at the other end! If I am ready in the hack, so should you be!
  4. I will never stand behind the opposition skip in such a way as to distract the player. Here are some tips on this thorny subject
  • Have the brush behind you or hold it horizontally
  • Do not move or twitch
  • Do not suddely have a pressing desire to walk around
  • Do not jump up and down
  • Shoo team mates away to their proper place (between the two hoglines - it's in the rules of the game matey!), unless it is your third, in which case, he or she should stand quietly with you at the appropriate time.
  • Oh - and another thing. If my game is finished, but another game is carrying on, or if I need the measure, or I have a pressing need to go and powder my nose, i will never walk behind the skip on another sheet until the player there has thrown their stone.
  1. I will always arrange my own substitute and let my team mates and skip know that I have done so. If I am in a major competition, I promise to have discussed any attendance problems in advance with my skip. I will then make the necessary phone calls and arrangements.
  2. I will never let my brush touch the ice surface in the house until the opposition stone has reached the tee line. Then I will sweep to my heart's content!
  3. I will always wear clean clothes and make sure all my equipment is clean.
  4. I will never collapse in a heap on the ice after I have thrown my stone, leaving all manner of melted ice and bits of fluff, dirt and muck behind me. Furthermore, I will not complain when, having done so, a large red-faced individual runs dementedly up to me, lifts me bodily off the ice and throws me outside the building and into the path of some fast moving vehicles. Indeed I will thank said individual for making me a better person.
  5. In fact, I will go further! I confirm that the only bits of me that will touch the ice throughout a game will be my shoes, my brush head and (I am getting older now, so bear with me please) my knee. Unless I fall, in which case, exceptions can be made.
  6. I will always respect my opponents - win, lose or draw.
  7. I will encourage my teammates if they throw a bad stone. I mean - it is not as if they thought to themselves, 'I fancy a rollicking - lets throw a howler!' They are feeling bad enough as it is.
  8. I will keep my temper at all times. (Ouch!)
  9. I will always go to the bar for a drink and chat after the game.
  10. And finally, I will try to maintain the traditions and lore of the game in every way I can.

I think I better just give up now!